As long as its not cancer, I can manage

I never thought that I would so casually say, ‘as long as its not cancer, I can manage’ or ‘it is better than the alternative – dying’. However, this has become my reality. It has become my mantra this week.

As those that follow the Dear Melanoma Facebook Page would know, I have had a bit of a rough trot emotionally. However, this last week I have had some scans and tests that fall outside my normal scheduled trial scans. Enter stress, fear, worry and absolute panic mode.

The last month I have been Ms Twitchy McTwitch. I randomly developed a twitch that is the epitome of annoying. Most (lets be honest, pretty much everyone) that I mentioned it to felt the need to share their story of how they often have twitches and it is due to stress or fatigue. I am very well aware that this may be the case as it is not the first twitch that I have had in my almost 24 years, but what sets my special twitch apart is the fact that I have CANCER – CANCER IN MY BRAIN. For me, it is not quite so easy to dismiss it as just fatigue or stress, but instead I fear that this may be an indicator that something is happening in that brain of mine or potentially could be a sign that the cancer has spread to my spinal chord.

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Exciting additions to my 'quasi-bucket list'

For those of you that follow me on my Dear Melanoma Facebook Page, you would know that I have been in a bit of a slump. I have been travelling along Struggle Street for the last few weeks. I have been sad, moody, irritable, and most of all, I have been lost… Poor Serge probably needs a man date after what I have given him the last few weeks!

I have been struggling with finding purpose in despair. I feel like I am living a life in limbo… and I am still not good at the limbo! Do I continue living life like I only have months to live OR do I go back to what my plans were prior to cancer (study, work, etc.)?

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