I have had a few messages the last month or so from people asking if I was okay because I have been a bit quiet – thank you for checking in, it means the world! When it comes to my actual blog I have been quiet, but for those that follow the Dear Melanoma page, you would know that Serge and I have been super busy!
This observation made me sit down and think why I have not been writing as much. I do not have a pile of blogs scheduled to post on specific dates. My blog is very much written in the moment, often an hour or two before I actually publish them online. They are written in the heat of the moment, in the midst of tears and tantrums, and more often than not, when I am riding the very lowest point of the roller-coaster I call my life.
Read MoreFor those of you that follow the Dear Melanoma Facebook Page and Instagram page, you would know that a few weeks ago it was my birthday. I was very much looking forward to the day/week and was excited (like the 23 birthdays prior), but instead I was gifted with an emotional break down.
My break down was not because I didn’t get lots of love from my family and friends. It wasn’t because certain family members or friends could not be there to celebrate.
Instead, it was 100% my fault – I put too much pressure on this celebration. I put too much pressure on making memories. I put too much pressure on making sure that this birthday was worthy of being potentially my last.
Read MoreLast night Serge broke my heart a little bit…
Let me set the scene. I am in bed watching half (more like three quarter) naked men in Magic Mike – a girl has to prepare herself adequately for the sequel. Serge wanders in with his shirt tucked into his tracksuit pants that are sitting above his belly button – hot! We both laugh at the irony and I think to myself, ‘where did I go wrong?!?’
Only joking! Although that did indeed happen, that is not the moment where my heart broke a little bit. It was the moment following the belly laughs. Serge stops and tells me, ‘I wish I could be married to you forever.’
Read MoreI never thought that I would so casually say, ‘as long as its not cancer, I can manage’ or ‘it is better than the alternative – dying’. However, this has become my reality. It has become my mantra this week.
As those that follow the Dear Melanoma Facebook Page would know, I have had a bit of a rough trot emotionally. However, this last week I have had some scans and tests that fall outside my normal scheduled trial scans. Enter stress, fear, worry and absolute panic mode.
The last month I have been Ms Twitchy McTwitch. I randomly developed a twitch that is the epitome of annoying. Most (lets be honest, pretty much everyone) that I mentioned it to felt the need to share their story of how they often have twitches and it is due to stress or fatigue. I am very well aware that this may be the case as it is not the first twitch that I have had in my almost 24 years, but what sets my special twitch apart is the fact that I have CANCER – CANCER IN MY BRAIN. For me, it is not quite so easy to dismiss it as just fatigue or stress, but instead I fear that this may be an indicator that something is happening in that brain of mine or potentially could be a sign that the cancer has spread to my spinal chord.
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